The East African Diaspora Media Watch (EADM)

In Summary: This was neither an ordinary event nor a normal day in the lives of the Mutebi and Sendawula families, relatives, and friends. It was a special and extraordinary event; one of the preliminary stages in the protracted process of courtship in the Buganda culture. Traditionally, it is referred to as ‘okukyala’ or visitation. On such a day, the family of the suitor (boy or groom-to-be) pays a visit to the family of the girl or prospective bride. This comes after some behind the scenes (private) interactions between one or two members of the family of the suitor (boy) and the paternal Aunt to the girl regarding the interests of the boy in marrying an identified Niece, a daughter of her brother.  But, times have changed. Both in Uganda and in the Diaspora, the changes have infused pomp into the previously private ceremony. The public grandeur is now the new normal. In the Diaspora, the splendor is even more pronounced as families strive to strike a delicate balance between their cultural values and their host cultures. But, as Samuel Muwanguzi writes, cultural adjustments notwithstanding, when Mr. Godfrey Mutebi welcomed and embraced Mr. Patrick Sendawula, both men genuinely and visibly savored the fruits of parenthood.

Euless, Texas—As witnesses, the local communities gathered first. Eventually, the guests, gingerly strolling in in single file, arrived next. Approximately, both hosts and guests numbered 200. It was a fiercely hot summer afternoon. Even the free-flowing icy drinks that rivalled the graceful blue waters of the Nile had but a fleeting impact on the thirsting throats. Never mind that assurances were given that once one crossed the “legendary Lwera”, even a heatwave such as one in Texas would be inconsequential to the severest of parched gullets. Matters were never helped by the layers of traditional attires adorned by witnesses to this highly symbolic but significant traditional ceremony.

But, up close, when Mr. Godfrey Mutebi, father to Claire, in company of some friends, gently strode, welcomed, and shook hands with Mr. Patrick Sendawula, father to Isaiah Patrick Kakule, both the hosts and guests moistly ululated.  It was not lost on the cheerful audience that the two fathers, bonded by the prospective matrimony of their children, were genuinely savoring the fruits of parenthood. Visibly, the two men were relishing one of the glorious moments any parent would cherish. Who could begrudge them? Even the gods were decidedly in conformity. There was no downpour to disrupt the outdoor ceremony. The heatwave was gradually dissipating. And in its wake, a cool breeze was intermittently sweeping through the tree branches to give a refreshing feeling inside the two marquees.

To their credit, both the hosts and guests did not disappoint in their respective efforts to outdo each other in their conformity to donning traditional attires from the multiple cultures in Uganda. Except for a few men, all the gentlemen wore the traditional white Kiganda kanzu (tunic) with formal jackets (coats) that ranged from blue, black, grey, or other colors. The ladies from Buganda were every inch elegantly dressed in the traditional busuuti or gomesi which were uniquely ornamented to give each a distinctly unique appearance. The ladies from Tooro, Bunyoro, and Ankore in Western Uganda, made their presence strongly felt as they nimbly turned out in their traditional wears (emyenda and esuuka) over some dresses atop decks of ebitambi. Gracefully and elaborately dressed, the ladies and gentlemen, hosts and guests alike, unmistakably exuded the right poise for the special occasion.

Indeed, this was neither an ordinary event nor a normal day in the lives of the Mutebi and Sendawula families, relatives, and friends. It was a special and extraordinary event; one of the preliminary stages in the protracted process of courtship in the Buganda culture. Traditionally, it is referred to as ‘okukyala’ or visitation. On such a day, the family of the suitor (boy or groom-to-be) pays a visit to the family of the girl or prospective bride. This comes after some behind the scenes (private) interactions between one or two members of the family of the suitor (boy) and the paternal Aunt to the girl regarding the interests of the boy in marrying an identified Niece, a daughter of her brother.

Once the paternal Aunt and the Niece (girl) privately discuss the interests of the suitor in the girl (that could result in a proposal and eventual marriage) and come to some agreement, the Aunt then approaches her brother and ‘breaks the news’. After the father of the girl has made some private consultations with relatives and friends about the interests of the boy in his daughter and allows his sister’s request, a visitation (okukyala) of the suitor’s family to the family of the prospective bride is then arranged.

Worth noting, however, as was the case during the earlier private interactions, through to the wedding day, at all stages in the courtship process, it is the paternal Aunt who puts her head on the line. She does so on behalf of her Niece, to play the role of the daughter, who has now come of age, and is ready to be (married) taken away from her father’s home. By all accounts, the paternal Aunt is the public face of the prospective bride; the bridge or mediator standing between the suitor’s families, father to the girl, and the voice of the prospective bride herself. Previously, the visitation (okukyala) was a private but significant event involving two families and very close relatives, and friends. But times have since changed. Both in Uganda and in the Diaspora, the changes have infused pomp into the hitherto private and quiet ceremony. The public grandeur is now the new normal. In the Diaspora, the splendor is even more pronounced as families strive to strike a delicate balance between the diverse traditional African cultures and their host and dominant western cultures. Under such circumstances, creativity and integration become the inevitable coping strategies for survival and prosperity in a melting pot of diverse cultural values.

Therefore, at the residence of Mr. Godfrey Mutebi in Euless Texas, on that sizzling summer evening, what transpired on the traditional visitation (okukyala) ceremony was neither an isolated nor different from other Diaspora event in adopting to the new normal. Rather, it was as culturally dynamic as it was in conformity to the grandeur of context, time, and space. To the visibly excited but perspiring witnesses to the historic ceremony, every so often, the host spokesperson, Owekitibwa Frank Sentamu and the Master of Ceremony, Mr. Robert Lubega, exchanged roles to make some housekeeping announcement or crack jokes that kept the mood of the audience upbeat. Seldom, an announcement on the goings on behind the scenes helped to further raise the expectations among the audience that graced this colorful ceremony.

Across the columns and rows of tables in the Marquees, acquaintances and strangers continued to exchange pleasantries and niceties to safely escape the cacophony of sounds that rattled   through the speakers. When the guests and hosts were finally settled in their seats, the Master of Ceremony called upon the women and men of God to lead the congregation in prayers for the Almighty to bless the occasion. The call was ably answered by Pastor Nancy Abesiga and Rev. John Kalimi of St. Vincent Cathedral.

Jointly, they prayed to God to bless the prospective couple and to bless the event. “Bless this event, this house, the two families, and, as witnesses, let us testify to the beginning of a new family that is going to emerge from the bond we are witnessing today. From now, with God’s blessings, Isaiah and Claire, go out and multiply as the Bible says,” both the man and woman of God prayed,” as the audience thundered with Amen!

Going by the type of prayers the woman and man of God prayed, they sounded to have more knowledge about the ceremony that the majority of folks in attendance. Indeed, they even sounded as they knew more about the relationship between the suitor and the prospective bride. “As ministers of the church, we do not beat about the bush,” one of the ministers told the EADM. “We keep it real; this is no ordinary event as all of us know that we are gathered here to bless the future holy matrimony of these young lovers,” the member of the clergy said, adding, “In prayer, we do not entertain any ambiguity or abstracts because we pray to God about real life situations in truth and humility.”  Through the clergy, God had spoken.

“The two; Claire and Isaiah are actually already engaged,” one of the respectable local community members next to the EADM disclosed, summing it up for even others seated on a nearby table to hear. What followed next were but formalities. The spokesperson for the guests, the chatty Mr. Mathius Kyobe, who had his match in the equally loquacious owekitibwa Frank Sentamu, briefly treated the audience to an interesting exchange of pleasantries that displayed the richness of their Kiganda verbiage.

At this point, Ms. Christine Kirega, the hostess-in-chief, putting her best foot forward, went down on her knees and announced to her brother, Mr. Mutebi, that the ’strangers’ were her visitors. “These are my guests I invited here at home to visit, greet us, and have some conversation with us,” Aunt (Senga) Christine Kirega, sister to Claire’s father, politely but firmly announced to thunderous applause from the audience. “I have come of age,” she continued, to more loud cheers as the highly expectant audience gradually but steadily gravitated into exhilaration. In the meantime, John Semogerere of JD Media was incessantly panning away on his camera in a bid to capture every moment of the reactions to this delightful revelation.

With the cat out of the bag, the first hurdle had been cleared and both families (sides) gave their spokespersons more latitude to embellish the conversation. Before long, the two introduced the members of each family. Among the guests were the parents of the suitor; Mr. Patrick Sendawula and wife Mrs. Olivia Sendawula; their daughter, Mrs. Pauline Kasibante, sister to the suitor;  the suitor himself, Isaiah Patrick Kakule; his brother Paul Sendawula; relatives; and friends. 

From the host family, the head of the house and father to Clair, Mr. Godfrey Mutebi, was invited to greet the guests and, in particular, his fellow parent (father to the suitor). Accompanied by some relatives and friends, Mr. Mutebi walked toward the tent of the guests as Mr. Sendawula, in company of his entourage, rose and respectfully strode ahead in reciprocity. With minimum sizing-up of one another, the two men enthusiastically hugged and shook hands. Watching the two embrace, one could not but notice their visible joy as they savored the moment of having their children start on a journey to holy matrimony.

Next, the sons of the host family, including Michael Mutebi, young brother to the prospective bride, were called and they turned-up clad in the traditional Kiganda white kanzus (tunics) with blue jackets and greeted the guests.

Then the mothers, with Mrs. Margaret Ajambo Mutebi (Claire’s mother) in their midst, came in a group and from a respectable distance, knelt and greeted the guests. All this transpired with minimum jostling.

But when the daughters of the house were called in to greet the guests, the tents were nearly blown away as both guests and hosts stretched their necks to catch a glimpse of the elegantly dressed girls. Evidently, this Claire girl was clearly distinct and classy.  Although a lot of time and effort appeared to have been expended to make all the girls look alike, she stood out, in a class of her own, from the rest of the daughters.  She had flair of sophistication around her. She was simply unique and wow! She turned out as graceful as an African Belle.

After she had appeared twice, I lost count of the many times she reappeared in a different busuuti and matching jewelry. During her first and second coming, on both occasions adorned in differently glittering traditional Kiganda Busuutis (gomesis), appropriately ornamented, and modestly made-up, she was a beauty to behold. Tongues wagged and bodies surged forward as cheers of approval followed every entry she made with the other daughters to greet the visitors.

“She is gorgeous and surely did her homework meticulously,” one of the ladies commented with undisguised admiration of her color choices. “And you know something else, another quipped in, she is also photogenic.” “That is Claire’s flair,” said one middle-aged man in the audience, adding, “This Isaiah guy has surely got for himself something that would do any man proud.” “I hear you, “a lady within earshot said with adoration.

As part of the ‘new normal’, the guests excused themselves and went out briefly from their designated tent  only to re-emerge moments later with  an assortment of gifts. As if on cue, they suddenly stood still. As visitors of goodwill, we did not come empty-handed, their spokesperson, Mr. Mathius Kyobe announced. “We brought some gifts as a way of initiating a conversation and developing a long-term relationship between our two families,” he said amidst delightful shouts of approval. At that moment, both the men and women surged forward and filed back into the arena carrying assorted gifts. Some gifts were wrapped in colorful wrapping paper and others in traditional Kiganda baskets.

In the midst of the excitement, an announcement came through that: “Aunt Betty is now ready to serve dinner.” But before lines started forming and snaking through the tables and merging around the service tables, Pastor Bazanye was called in to pray for the food. “Whoever finds a woman finds favor with God,” he started. He was right but briefly, some voices from the back yelled; “food, food!” At that point, the good pastor blessed the food and echoes of “Amen” could be heard reverberating through the tents.

For over the next hour, the food serving tables became a bee-hive of activity. Luckily, despite the mouth-watering whiff that filled the air, the swarms of hungry guests were orderly and respectful; neither jostling nor chaos ensued. For those still doubting her culinary skills, this kukyala (visiting) ceremony at Mr. Mutebi’s home was a clincher for Aunt Betty.

“This food is special and decidedly delicious. It has a flavor that is next to none here in the DFW area,” one of the guests said between mouthfuls. Even the spokesperson on the hosts’ side, a professional chef, Owekitibwa Frank Sentamu and an assistant to the representative of the Kabaka in the area endorsed the food: “I am confident that everybody has helped themselves to this delicious meal prepared by Aunt Betty. If you have not, please do as soon as possible as many of us will not resist doing several rounds of servings.” What more ringing endorsement would anyone in the cooking business seek? “Kasita omusajja wa Kabaka yayogedde (since it is the King’s man who has spoken), let’s go for more,” one middle aged man whispered to his wife as they both got up and headed to the serving table. More others followed suit!

Had the following day not to be a Sunday, even the women and men of God would have stayed until the wee hours of the morning. But sometime before midnight, one by one, they could be seen making their way through the crowds to catch some sleep before the morning services. For the rest of the mortals, however, the party had just began. By 6:00am, the last of revelers were making their way out of the parking lot, the EADM learned later. The drinks were simply flowing non-stop and even the music improved a great deal, one of the revelers told the EADM Sunday evening.

“I could not make it to Church, another merrymaker told EADM news the following evening. “Why? Asked the EADM. “Anti (because) of Claire’s ceremony,” he answered. What about it? Insisted the EADM. “We had good company and the temperatures had gone down,” the merrymaker said. 

“I left after 5:00am and when I parked the car in the garage, I passed out. I only woke up at around 2:00pm,” he confessed. “By the way, that explains why most pews at my church were empty,” he said with regret in his voice. Next time Claire has something going on, and the formal introduction is around the corner; this October to be exact, be more prepared for another rollercoaster, me thinks!!